Thursday, October 9, 2008 | 12:56 AM | 0 comments
So here I am...
Sitting in my bed...
I'm not in school right now because school hasn't started for me yet
A part of me wants it to but a part of me doesn't
I am terrified and yet excited
I'm angry and yet happy
All at once
I'm terrified because all my classes will be in Chinese
I'm not fluent yet so I actually have to try and understand people
My classes will not be taken with Leslie because we are in different grades
So that security blanket is gone
I'm excited because this is going to be one of the biggest challenges I've had to face just yet
It's something brand new and VERY different
So it's exciting.....
I'm angry because the school I am going to has put us through hell and high water with all of the problems we had just trying to get our visa to get back into the country, the many delays, the long talks with my parents telling me maybe this isnt for me, maybe God doesn't want me back in China, the many bouts of frustration I've been put through this entire time, and to top it off they aren't too thrilled that a 外国人 (a foreigner) is now attending their prestigious school. They really don't know, and it seems that they could care less of all the things I've gone through just to get here. I don't know why I expected a warm welcome, but you know that would be a nice gesture. I don't know why I expect them to be nice to me at all but, you know it would be nice and make this experience more pleasant. I don't know, maybe I'm wrong but if they have ever been to another country where Chinese isn't the dominant language they would know how hard it is to try to fit in and to try to understand and speak to other people. Maybe they don't know and that's why they could care less. Years ago, I would not have been able to do this. I would have not had the courage or the strength to even have the guts to do this. But I realized God has been preparing me for this for a long time God has been preparing me for my future. All the moving I've done and will continue to do, all the criticism I've ever had since I was a child, ALL of the things that I have gone through have prepared me for my present state and my future. I see it now. I know this experience will better me as a person even more and prepare me for what is ahead of me. At the time I didn't understand and when times get rough these next three years I will still not understand, but I know now God's preparing me for unimaginable things.
And that's why I'm happy. Because despite everything, it has worked out, it is working out and it will work out through the goodness of God Almighty. And God is allowing me to grow up....I'm growing UP you guys....and become the Woman of God that He wants me to be.
Growing up hurts. I know as a child you have growing pains and you ache because you're body is growing physically. I know it's the same emotionally, spiritually and mature wise. So if you read a blog one of these days and I'm writing about how horrible I feel, those are my "growing pains" and just pray that God numbs them with His love ♥
Despite all the things going on right now, I'm so thankful for all my friends and family. My friends here in China and back at home in America and especially my family. Thank you all so much. It's really you all and God that are keeping me going. ♥
I'm so happy that I have friends here in China that make me laugh and smile. Thank you for calling me or sending me text messages during the week to check up on me. Thank you for being you! I love you! ♥
I'm so glad I have friends back at home who are doing their own thing back at home and yet missing me like I miss them! I think of all the times we've shared together. I look at all the photo's we've taken and it helps me when I miss home! So thank you! I miss you! I love you too! ♥
For the friends that are studying abroad, we can relate! For real! Cultural differences blow sometimes! And sometimes they are absolutely awesome! I'm glad we can share these things together and add this on to our friendship! Love you! ♥
I love my family so much! I really miss you guys too! Thank you for being there despite the times where you haven't thought my ideas were too smart. You've still been there for me. And I love you guys so much. You make me laugh and smile and when I think of you I am happy! We've been through a lot and although we are a small family we are STRONG! And I love us for that very reason. You all make me strong! You all and Jesus! And I love you! I wish you could visit and share in some of my experience here. I know one day you will be able to come here! I love you all so much! ♥
And to you dear sister,
I'm so happy that God has allowed us to be here together. We are experiencing this separate and together at the same time. And I wouldn't want to experience it with no one other than you! I love you so much! Thank you for being my best friend, my sister, my role model, my roommate, my drill sergeant, my prayer buddy, my crying buddy, my laughing buddy, my dance buddy, my partner in crime ^_^ My other me (or am I your other you????) No matter! I love you so much! And I pray, no I KNOW Jesus is going to give you unlimited happiness...FOREVER! I love you Diva! We will both be dairy farms one day and cure osteoporosis!!! LOL! I AM SO EXCITED! I can't wait!!! ♥
Love you guys!
Here's to growing up!!!
♥ ♥ ♥
OLDER POST / NEWER POST